Desperate times!

So after a bit more sleep last week on our hols it seems I was lured into a false sense of hope as since I've been home the restless legs and no sleeping has reared it's ugly head again with a vengeance! I also have it in my arms and hands and it's not just at night anymore so I haven't even been able to snatch a snooze during the day. I find it so hard to believe that there is nothing the midwife / doctor can do about this and if I'm honest the thought of going another 8 weeks with little more than an hour or two sleep every 24 hours makes me feel sick. Even as I am writing this blog (at 5am Sunday morning) my legs, arms and hands are fidgeting like crazy and yesterday all I wanted to do was watch a film in the afternoon and relax whilst it was chucking it down with rain but no sooner had I got comfortable (which is a challenge in itself at the moment) the urge to move and thrash my legs about began, so I saw no more than five minutes of the film before I was pacing the house in tears at this hopeless situation. Wow, it all sounds quite dramatic doesn't it and believe me when I tell you I hate moaning more than anyone, especially when despite this I still consider myself exceptionally lucky to be having a baby. However, what is the point in me writing a blog about my journey through pregnancy if I'm not honest . . . hopefully my whinging will not put you off reading! ;-)

I have got an appointment with the midwife tomorrow so am going to have to stress a little more about needing help. I have suggested a few times that perhaps low iron levels may be causing this but each time she has said it has nothing to do with it. I have got to have some more blood tests after seeing the Doctor before we went on holiday but stupidly put this off this week as knew I had this appointment tomorrow and don't like making too much of a fuss so every day this week kept thinking 'it can wait' - looking back that was probably stupid. I'm just hoping they put me on iron supplements and agree to me trying magnesium (suggested by a herbalist I spoke to) in an attempt to make the next few weeks a little easier. I can't see that taking these supplements will do the baby or me anymore harm than me simply not sleeping, plus at this rate I'll be a zombie before she is even born - which I thought was supposed to come afterwards! The thought of sleepless nights with her once she is here doesn't phase me at all, which some of you are probably sniggering about to yourselves, but the likelihood is that she will sleep at some point during 24 hour periods and without RLS I'll actually be able to lay down and do the same - that thought alone is one of the things keeping me going at the moment as being able to do that will be like the best gift I could ever have (aside form the baby herself of course). I told my midwife this last time I saw her and her response was 'well the thing is you'll be so tired then that you won't know what you're doing and you won't be thinking that then!' - just the positive attitude I need! She clearly isn't listening when I tell her I've been sleep and rest deprived for the last two months . . . if someone hasn't suffered personally with RLS I don't think they'll ever understand the extent of it and she is obviously one them - lucky thing!

So, let's put a positive swing on this blog so I don't put a cloud over your head today . . . erm, well, erm, oh crikey something good must have happened this week! Oh yes on Monday! I had a lovely lunch out with my Mum, Sister and our lovely friend Sarah - I went for a ploughman's (in the hope that I'd get some celery) followed by a chocolate cupcake with pistachio and amaretto ice cream, which was lovely but not quite as enjoyed as the celery and radishes I bought afterwards. My craving has continued for these and I've gone through nearly four bags of radishes since Monday so far this week! Now whilst I type I want them again and it was only about 3 hours ago that I was downstairs munching on some and probably 3 hours before that too! I didn't really believe in cravings before I was pregnant but it really does take a hold of you and once you've thought of the thing you want, that's it, there's no going back - you just have to have it! To give you an example of how much I love these things at the moment, on Friday night we were at my Mums to watch the first part of the last Harry Potter film (which, you guessed it, with my annoying restless legs I didn't end up being able to watch it, neither did poor Mum who gave me some treatments in an attempt to help) and James and Yaz had come back from the shop armed with a bag full of popcorn, chocolate, biscuits etc etc but I just wasn't interested - all I wanted was a crunchy juicy radish! ;-)

Socially, I haven't seen anyone else this week unfortunately, apart from the people at our first ante-natal class that we went to yesterday. There was one girl I knew from school, so it was nice to catch up with her and the class itself was quite interesting actually. It was all about pain relief and we got to try gas and air, which was worth going for alone! The midwife holding the class also took a tens machine around for everyone to try and after about 2 seconds each person was wriggling and saying how much they could feel it, me however . . . nothing! She had to turn it right up before I felt anything and it wasn't until I noticed my wrist and hand twisting up towards me that I realised it was in fact doing something, I just couldn't feel the tingling sensation everyone else was talking about. I'm not sure what that says about me? Perhaps it's due to my whole body being numb through lack of sleep ;-) One thing I took away from the session was an overwhelming feeling of relaxation when thinking about the birth - something I definitely didn't think I'd feel like! I definitely want to have a water birth if I can and if possible to go without too much pain relief - I feel like relaxation is the key and will be pursuing my research on hypno-birthing and other similar relaxation techniques so that I can try and remain as calm as I can throughout - perhaps easier said than done but that's my intention. I'm sure many of you experienced mothers out there are once again laughing to yourselves and imagining me begging for an epidural at the earliest opportunity, which perhaps I will and I'm certainly not writing it off but I will be trying to do it without if I can use other methods of relaxation that I know have worked for others. Watch this space to see how I get on!

 Growth wise, I'm not sure whether I've grown much since last week really. The bump is rock hard still and plenty of regular moving from the little one to show me she's doing ok in there. Last night James and I were playing her our favourite music with my big headphone cans on my tummy and we're going to make a playlist to play to her between now and the birth that will hopefully be something she'll relate to once she's with us so we can play it to her to get her off to sleep (worth a shot!). Talking of playlists I'm also going to create a playlist for me during labour and would love some input from you, my lovely friends and readers. I want a playlist of songs that are both relaxing and positive, something that is harder to find that you think as it turns out most of the chilled music I listen to has really depressing lyrics! Therefore, your mission, should you choose to accept, is to recommend a track to me to add to my playlist - this way I can think of you during labour when your song choice is making me smile instead of wince with pain! I know a lot of you are into music as much as me so I'm expecting heaps of great suggestions from you - now is not a time to be shy, comment  on this blog with songs to your hearts content please - the more tracks the better, labour can go on for a while you know!! ;-)